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	<title>Parenting Archives | Adrian Says</title>
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	<description>Musings by Adrian Chan</description>
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	<title>Parenting Archives | Adrian Says</title>
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<site xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">142768912</site>	<item>
		<title>Fathers &#8211; Have a good one today!</title>
		<link>https://adriansays.com/fathers/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=fathers</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Adrian]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 21 Jun 2020 05:42:15 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://adriansays.com/?p=1143</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>It is Father’s Day today. Or is it Fathers’ Day? A Google search reveals it to be the former. Though I feel it should be the latter, seeing how fathering is (and can still benefit from) a communal endeavour. (Indeed, my post last year on this topic referred to this day as Fathers&#8217; Day) Fathering can [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/fathers/">Fathers &#8211; Have a good one today!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2272" height="1704" data-attachment-id="1148" data-permalink="https://adriansays.com/fathers/copy-of-27-to-29-dec-03-019/" data-orig-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?fit=2272%2C1704&amp;ssl=1" data-orig-size="2272,1704" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;4.2&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;DiMAGE G400&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1072603344&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;12.4&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;50&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0.008&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="First Time Father" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?fit=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?fit=665%2C499&amp;ssl=1" src="https://i1.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?fit=665%2C499&amp;ssl=1" alt="Fathers know what it feels like to be fathers for the first time" class="wp-image-1148" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?w=2272&amp;ssl=1 2272w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?resize=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?resize=1024%2C768&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?resize=768%2C576&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?resize=1536%2C1152&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?resize=2048%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 2048w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?resize=665%2C499&amp;ssl=1 665w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?resize=347%2C260&amp;ssl=1 347w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?w=1330&amp;ssl=1 1330w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Copy-of-27-to-29-Dec-03-019.jpg?w=1995&amp;ssl=1 1995w" sizes="(max-width: 665px) 100vw, 665px" /></figure>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">It is Father’s Day today. Or is it Fathers’ Day? A Google <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=fathers+day&amp;oq=fathers+day&amp;aqs=chrome..69i57j0l6.1927j0j7&amp;sourceid=chrome&amp;ie=UTF-8">search </a>reveals it to be the former. Though I feel it should be the latter, seeing how fathering is (and can still benefit from) a communal endeavour. (Indeed, my <a href="https://adriansays.com/fathers-appeal/">post </a>last year on this topic referred to this day as Fathers&#8217; Day)</p>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">Fathering can be a lonely journey, even though it should not be. Fathers should come together more and encourage each other. But proud, independent men that we are, we don’t ask for directions even when we become hopelessly lost. Perhaps that’s why even the preferred name for this day is Father’s Day, not Fathers’ Day. Well, if this is a subliminal slide for fathers to continue journeying alone, then I reject such a spirit today. Instead, allow me to inject a different spirit into this day.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Giving meaning to fatherhood from family</strong></h2>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">What does it mean to be a father? Aside from value conveyed from a community of fathers, fatherhood is rendered meaning by how dads relate to moms, sons and daughters.</p>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">Dads don’t get a choice to define how they would like fatherhood to be enacted at home. “My house, my rules” is a very narrow, immature way of framing how fathers ought to behave. Instead, it should be guided by “How can I love my wife, sons and daughters?”&nbsp;</p>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">Sadly, “love” has lost its potency. Its nuances of protecting, guiding, nurturing, championing, sacrificing, releasing, and empowering have all but been removed from the script of fathering. In each dad-son, dad-daughter, father-mother relationship, variations of these nuances show up differently, beautifully, in accordance to the needs of the season. As fathers, we must redouble our efforts to derive the meaning of fatherhood from how we relate with our wives, sons and daughters.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Getting meaning from fathers and fathering</strong></h2>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">To be a father, we must also learn from fathers. One source of wisdom can be from our own biological fathers. In addition, we can also learn from others who have been father figures to us.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">As a father who witnessed my wife giving birth to my two children, and as a spiritual father to several others, I can sense the difference in impact that both types of experiences have on shaping my notions of fatherhood. It doesn’t mean that I love one child more than the other. But both types of experiences have rendered more fully for me what it means to be a father. I count myself as blessed for having the opportunity to learn fathering from both types of experiences.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Gifted meaning for fatherhood from my past and from above</strong></h2>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">Not all can claim to have great earthly fathers. Those who can do so should doubly honour their dads, not just for today, but everyday, all the more as their earthly days draw to an end.&nbsp;</p>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">Today also happens to be my earthly dad’s birthday. Since he passed nearly 3 years ago, I have been able to use the distance to give thanks for his fatherly contribution to my identity. Truth be told, all fathers are broken vessels, and my dad was no different. Yet, though we are imperfect, to be commissioned as a father is to be given permission to contribute any way we can to the next generation. We must seize these moments for the great gifts that they are.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Given meaning of fatherhood from Above</strong></h2>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">As a follower of Christ, I count it my blessing that I have a Heavenly Father who does not shift like changing lights, whose timeless template for teaching fatherhood is always relevant and available for me. I have since realised that my earthly journey as a father are but pages for God&#8217;s hand to pen His glory on me, as I wait upon Him to script broken stories into tomes of majestic beauty.</p>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">So in sum, what should we do about Father’s Day, or Fathers’ Day? How about this? Let’s forego the semantics. Instead, let us rededicate ourselves, fathers, fathers to be, and potential spiritual fathers to others. Let us strive to do better at fathering.</p>



<p class="has-text-align-justify">Happy Fathering!</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/fathers/">Fathers &#8211; Have a good one today!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">1143</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>A Father&#8217;s (un-Hallmark-like) Appeal</title>
		<link>https://adriansays.com/fathers-appeal/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=fathers-appeal</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Adrian]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 16 Jun 2019 08:00:57 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fatherhood]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://adriansays.com/?p=920</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Have you a son to love, or a daughter to treasure?Or are they lost to themselves, or even lost forever? Have you a father to hug, or is it not your way?Is your home safe to roost, or is it too gloomy or grey? Has your wife left you, has she given up?Do you feel [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/fathers-appeal/">A Father&#8217;s (un-Hallmark-like) Appeal</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[
<figure class="wp-block-image"><img data-recalc-dims="1" decoding="async" width="640" height="426" data-attachment-id="922" data-permalink="https://adriansays.com/fathers-appeal/adult-child-1250452/" data-orig-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adult-child-1250452.jpg?fit=640%2C426&amp;ssl=1" data-orig-size="640,426" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}" data-image-title="adult-child-1250452" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="&lt;p&gt;Father Child&lt;/p&gt;
" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adult-child-1250452.jpg?fit=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adult-child-1250452.jpg?fit=640%2C426&amp;ssl=1" src="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adult-child-1250452.jpg?resize=640%2C426&#038;ssl=1" alt="" class="wp-image-922" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adult-child-1250452.jpg?w=640&amp;ssl=1 640w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adult-child-1250452.jpg?resize=300%2C200&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/adult-child-1250452.jpg?resize=391%2C260&amp;ssl=1 391w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" /><figcaption>Father Child</figcaption></figure>



<p><em>Have you a son to love, or a daughter to treasure?<br>Or are they lost to themselves, or even lost forever?</em></p>



<p><em>Have you a father to hug, or is it not your way?<br>Is your home safe to roost, or is it too gloomy or grey?</em></p>



<p><em>Has your wife left you, has she given up?<br>Do you feel abandoned, unwanted, all washed up?</em></p>



<p><em>Is your job your only anchor?&nbsp;<br>And even that, a bitter rancour?</em></p>



<p><em>Are you completely worn out&nbsp;<br>from all that travel?</em></p>



<p><em>Is fame your filthy raiment, wealth your chafing gilt?&nbsp;<br>Have both become threadbare, exposing your naked guilt?</em></p>



<p><em>Or perhaps you struggle to provide<br>Embittered with swallowed pride</em></p>



<p><em>Your fire has dwindled low<br>Aspiration has long since died</em></p>



<p><em>Your peers are peering, jeering,&nbsp;<br>around but not helping</em></p>



<p><em>Your relatives are talking, stalking,<br>awaiting a second helping&nbsp;</em></p>



<p><em>Life sucks<br>Fathers’ Day?<br>Please. Just. Go. Away.</em></p>



<p>It is a bit presumptuous to wish
every father a Happy Father’s day. Not all fathers are having the best of days
today or on any other day, even if they are already trying their best. If you
are one of those fathers, hang in there.&nbsp;</p>



<p><em>My friend,&nbsp;<br>transcend</em></p>



<p><em>In all your angst,&nbsp;<br>give thanks</em></p>



<p><em>Look up<br>In us, our Father&nbsp;<br>still delights</em></p>



<p><em>Now look around,&nbsp;<br>(but don’t get distracted)<br>You are not alone<br>In your fathering plight</em></p>



<p><em>Let fathers not falter<br>Let men not quit<br>For we become steel<br>when tempered with grit</em></p>



<p>Some fathers are lost to themselves,
yet to return from their prodigal journeys. Some fathers remain in slumber,
oblivious to their divine role as spiritual leaders of their households. Some
fathers are impotent, have dropped the ball and lowered the bar so frequently
that there is no more room for failure.&nbsp;</p>



<p>As fathers, we have one main task &#8211;
to build up the character of our sons and daughters. Take care of the character
side of things, and everything else takes care of itself. To do that, we need
to role model character. Since character is better caught than taught, our
children can only see and catch what fathers display. We are the glass ceiling
in our families &#8211; we determine how refined the family character is. Fathers
cannot give what they do not know. Fathers can only lead out of who they are.
If fathers are not taking care of their own character, what chance do our kids
have, except to distance from their own fathers and adopt other fatherly
figures instead? We wouldn’t want that, would we?</p>



<p><em>By this we show our sons<br>To this we owe our daughters<br>By how we will live<br>from this very hour</em></p>



<p><em>To win back lost ground&nbsp;<br>To rededicate our lives<br>To hold fast and firm<br>TO be men for our wives</em></p>



<p>Finally, I want to affirm those thrust into fatherly roles before their time or against their wills. These can be young fathers, or siblings who had to step up to fatherly roles because their real fathers were absent. It may not seem so right now, but fatherhood is a gift. In the end, for simply trying, we are a blessing. For those times we are being stretched beyond our limits, know that stretching means exactly that. Eventually, we grow into it. Eventually, we will be loved for it. Even if not during our time on earth, then surely by our Maker above.&nbsp;</p>



<p><em>So go ahead and celebrate<br>Or if you must,&nbsp;<br>Rest and recuperate<br>But live and love again today<br>Make it a Happy Fathers’ Day!</em></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/fathers-appeal/">A Father&#8217;s (un-Hallmark-like) Appeal</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">920</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>Is She Your Wife or Mother of Your Children First?</title>
		<link>https://adriansays.com/mothers-day/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=mothers-day</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Adrian]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 May 2019 05:59:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://adriansays.com/?p=891</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>On Wed, 8 May, I met with several dads in a cafe. Over dinner, we shared how raising kids have been like for each of us. We caught up with old friends and made new ones. Mostly, we came together to make gifts for our wives, given that Mothers&#8217; Day was just around the corner.&#160; [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/mothers-day/">Is She Your Wife or Mother of Your Children First?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[
<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" width="1440" height="1080" data-attachment-id="892" data-permalink="https://adriansays.com/mothers-day/hand-in-mine/" data-orig-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?fit=1440%2C1080&amp;ssl=1" data-orig-size="1440,1080" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}" data-image-title="Hand-in-mine" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?fit=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?fit=665%2C499&amp;ssl=1" src="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?fit=665%2C499&amp;ssl=1" alt="" class="wp-image-892" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?w=1440&amp;ssl=1 1440w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?resize=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?resize=768%2C576&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?resize=1024%2C768&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?resize=665%2C499&amp;ssl=1 665w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?resize=347%2C260&amp;ssl=1 347w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Hand-in-mine.jpg?w=1330&amp;ssl=1 1330w" sizes="(max-width: 665px) 100vw, 665px" /><figcaption>With a group of dads rediscovering what it means to be husbands again. For a more in-depth coverage of the event, please see <a href="http://saltandlight.sg/family/celebrating-their-wives-this-mothers-day/?fbclid=IwAR0b0rjKmwlqDVwWXGlW27XR5_BBEhTb11kxUGRymvVFFUnsJ6PEMOk8eYQ">here</a>.  <br>Photo courtesy of Hand in Mine.  </figcaption></figure>



<p>On Wed, 8 May, I met with several dads in a cafe. Over dinner, we shared how raising kids have been like for each of us. We caught up with old friends and made new ones. Mostly, we came together to make gifts for our wives, given that Mothers&#8217; Day was just around the corner.&nbsp; </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The Epiphany</h2>



<p>As I struggled to nudge the dried leaf into its right place on the photo frame, I thought to myself, “<em>Life can be like that &#8211; a series of constant adjustments within a small confined frame to be picture perfect for disinterested onlookers.</em>&#8221;&nbsp; Whether it is career, marriage, or family, men strive to look like we have it all in place, never mind the frantic glue job we apply behind the scenes to hold everything together.&nbsp; </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The Crisis</h2>



<p>Even as I put the final pieces in place, I was dissatisfied with my handiwork. Actually, I was anxious whether the work would stand up to the scrutiny of my wife, who is herself a formidable handicraft guru. Suddenly, a wave of doubt washed over me. Am I sure my work is good enough for her? Who do I think I am? Even on my best day, my artwork has always been shoddy compared to what she can produce on her off day. What was I thinking? I was having an existential crisis moment. </p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p> <br>“<em>Life can be like that &#8211; a series of constant adjustments within a small confined frame to be picture perfect for disinterested onlookers.</em>&#8221; </p></blockquote>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The Detour</h2>



<p>Men don&#8217;t introspect enough. We&#8217;d much rather pick up all the ethereal threads of existential pondering and put them into well-defined frames. If these threads become threats and the frames cannot hold, what do men do? We throw money at the problem. So I &#8216;topped up&#8217; my handiwork by purchasing a pair of ear rings from the sale booth and incorporated it into the photo frame, This way, even if she does not like my creation, she can still use the ear rings, right? All of a sudden, I felt smug. I&#8217;ll take smug even if I cannot achieve being smart.&nbsp; </p>



<p>A small voice within me pointed out how this entire effort has revealed a side of me that needed more work. Was there a lesson in there somewhere that I needed to learn? I recognized that I was on the cusp of a crucible moment. Alas, as is often the case with <a href="https://adriansays.com/letters-spouse/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">crucible </a>moments, I ignored that small voice.  </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The Redemption</h2>



<p>Later that evening, I handed the gift to my wife, masking my trepidation with nonchalance. She took one look at the badly wrapped gift (it looked more like a packet of chicken rice) and instantly realized what I had been up to all evening. She is wise like that.&nbsp; </p>



<p>After the briefest moment of self-composure (I think she was deciding whether to laugh at me), she looked at me and gave me a big smile, melting all my anxieties away. With her total acceptance of the handiwork and grateful appreciation of the effort, she showed me that to be picture perfect is simply to be perfect for the moment. Once again, she showed that even an imperfect gift can be made perfect when one puts on the perfect posture.&nbsp;</p>



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p> <br><em>&#8220;Once again, she showed that even an imperfect gift can be made perfect when one puts on the perfect posture. &#8220;</em></p></blockquote>



<p>As she hugged me, the same small voice within me noted that gifts are best savored by ignoring their imperfections, because the joy is found in the making, in the giving, and in the receiving. This time, I acknowledged that voice. For I embody that imperfect gift to my wife. And I have been made perfect by the way she receives me. What a gift she is!&nbsp; </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The Prayer</h2>



<p>To all mothers, I wish you a Happy Mothers&#8217; Day. More importantly, I wish all dads to be husbands first to their soulmates. Husbands and wives are the best gift for each other, not because we are perfect, but because we are made perfect by how we offer, give and receive of each other.&nbsp; </p>



<p></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/mothers-day/">Is She Your Wife or Mother of Your Children First?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">891</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>Unleash the Potential of Female Leaders</title>
		<link>https://adriansays.com/female-leaders-unleashed/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=female-leaders-unleashed</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Adrian]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 30 Jun 2018 04:48:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Female Leadership]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://adriansays.com/?p=396</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Bhutan is Low on Female Leaders How can Bhutan unleash the potential of more female leaders? At the moment, female leaders are under-represented in the country. In my 5 years as the Leadership Faculty in the Royal Institute of Governance and Strategic Studies (RIGSS), I have encountered nearly 900 leaders in training. Of these, less [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/female-leaders-unleashed/">Unleash the Potential of Female Leaders</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><figure id="attachment_406" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-406" style="width: 665px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-attachment-id="406" data-permalink="https://adriansays.com/female-leaders-unleashed/img_20180515_141007-1/" data-orig-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?fit=4114%2C1870&amp;ssl=1" data-orig-size="4114,1870" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;1.7&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;ONEPLUS A5010&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1526393407&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;4.103&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;1600&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0.030303030303&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="FLP 3" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="&lt;p&gt;Participants of Foundational Leadership Programme at RIGSS: The only time when female leaders are on par in numbers as male leaders&lt;/p&gt;
" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?fit=300%2C136&amp;ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?fit=665%2C302&amp;ssl=1" class="wp-image-406 size-large" src="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1-1024x465.jpg?resize=665%2C302" alt="female leaders" width="665" height="302" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?resize=1024%2C465&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?resize=300%2C136&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?resize=768%2C349&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?resize=665%2C302&amp;ssl=1 665w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?resize=572%2C260&amp;ssl=1 572w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?w=1330&amp;ssl=1 1330w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/IMG_20180515_141007-1.jpg?w=1995&amp;ssl=1 1995w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 665px) 100vw, 665px" /><figcaption id="caption-attachment-406" class="wp-caption-text">Participants of a Foundational Leadership Programme at RIGSS: The only time when female leaders are on par in numbers as male leaders</figcaption></figure></p>
<h1>Bhutan is Low on Female Leaders</h1>
<p>How can Bhutan unleash the potential of more female leaders? At the moment, female leaders are under-represented in the country. In my 5 years as the Leadership Faculty in the Royal Institute of Governance and Strategic Studies (RIGSS), I have encountered nearly 900 leaders in training. Of these, less than 1 in 5 are women leaders.</p>
<p>RIGSS does not set any quota on gender, because entry to a RIGSS course is based on merit. However, it does not bode well for Bhutan that a premier national leadership institute would witness such a skewed distribution of gender participation in its milestone courses. For a small nation, every talent is particularly precious. It will be a huge waste to continue allowing such a steep discount in terms of talent development.</p>
<h1>When Do Females Drop Off Participating in RIGSS Courses?</h1>
<div>Female participation in RIGSS’s courses tapers off at some point during the mid-career. At the foundational level, female participation is almost equal. At the mid-career level, female participation experiences a sharp drop to around 20%. Thereafter, it stays that way for the next higher level course at the P1/P2 level. At the executive level, female participants are the exception rather than the norm.</div>
<div></div>
<div><img data-recalc-dims="1" loading="lazy" decoding="async" data-attachment-id="397" data-permalink="https://adriansays.com/female-leaders-unleashed/gender-distribution/" data-orig-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?fit=922%2C652&amp;ssl=1" data-orig-size="922,652" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}" data-image-title="Female Leaders in RIGSS courses" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?fit=300%2C212&amp;ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?fit=665%2C470&amp;ssl=1" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-397" src="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?resize=665%2C470" alt="Female Leaders in RIGSS courses" width="665" height="470" srcset="https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?w=922&amp;ssl=1 922w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?resize=300%2C212&amp;ssl=1 300w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?resize=768%2C543&amp;ssl=1 768w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?resize=665%2C470&amp;ssl=1 665w, https://i0.wp.com/adriansays.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Gender-distribution.png?resize=368%2C260&amp;ssl=1 368w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 665px) 100vw, 665px" /></div>
<div></div>
<h2></h2>
<h2>Why Is This So?</h2>
<p>What can one infer from this trend? Perhaps when females in Bhutan start to marry and have families, the onus is on them to choose between family or career. If they do not have good spousal support, they may find it hard to balance the needs of raising families and pursuing their careers. This is in addition to many other roles that women traditionally play in Bhutan. It is this crucial cross-road that coincides with the time they are eligible for RIGSS’s mid-level courses.</p>
<p>Anecdotal feedback seems to bear this out. When I ask participants why their female friends are not going through the selection process for mid level courses, a common response is that they find it hard to be away from their families. Being a month-long residential course, it hard to find baby-sitters for their young children.</p>
<h1>What Does This Mean?</h1>
<p>Reduced female participation in leadership courses closely correlates with reduced female representation in leadership positions. This can also be observed in RIGSS. For example, in the last course RIGSS ran for parliamentarians in Bhutan, only 5 out of the 50 participants were female.</p>
<p>The tapering off of female representation in leadership in Bhutan is also part of a global trend. For example, in a <a href="https://www.techinasia.com/jack-ma-women">keynote</a> delivered by Jack Ma, the owner of Alibaba, he shared other indicators, such as the preponderance of political leadership to be male. Not surprisingly, it is a distinct exception for his company Alibaba to have nearly equal representation of females in leadership positions.</p>
<p>What are the long term implications to this trend of decreased female leadership for Bhutan?</p>
<ol>
<li><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Poorer Workplace</strong></span>. As fewer females occupy senior leaders positions, organisations miss out on the beneficial impact of diversity provided by this particular demographic. These are powerful benefits that cannot be ignored. Some of them are gender-specific, such as <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/behind-online-behavior/201507/men-systemize-women-empathize">empathy</a>. Others are gender-neutral benefits due solely to greater diversity being introduced, such as creativity, or better succession options.</li>
<li><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Lesser Political Representation</strong></span>. At the national level, the female voice in policy and governance can become under-represented or imbalanced. In the most recent National Council election, only 4 of the Upper House parliamentarians are female. With a smaller number of female parliamentarians, their voice will inevitably be reduced. Issues such as ways to enhance greater female representation will not be championed as much.</li>
<li><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong>Reduced Birthrate</strong></span>. Over time, capable and ambitious females may think twice about getting married and having kids. This will directly impact Bhutan’s population not only in terms of replacement rates, but also in terms of under-representation in procreation from the more well-educated strata of society.</li>
</ol>
<h1>What Can We Do?</h1>
<p>What can one do to reverse this trend? I wish it was as simplistic as installing a few child care centres and privacy rooms for breast feeding routines in the workplaces, though I dare say it is a start.</p>
<h2>Research Better Implementation Strategies</h2>
<p>In 2013, the National Commission for Women and Children (NCWC) commissioned a study on gender policy in Bhutan with support from the World Bank. The study made recommendations for policy intervention in five main areas. However, it stopped short of providing clear strategies for implementation.</p>
<p>While the effort was a start, it also acknowledged that more research was needed. Given that the study utilised data from outdated datasets (e.g. the 2007 National Household Survey), it is probably timely to conduct a follow-up. This time, more emphasis can be placed on partnerships to jumpstart the implementation of any recommendations identified.</p>
<h2>RIGSS Alumni to Step Up</h2>
<p>In the meantime, what can we do to alleviate the continued gender gap in leadership? I’d like to believe that RIGSS alumni will take the lead in championing the gender imbalance in leadership in Bhutan. Whether male or female, RIGSS alumni can do their part to make the workplace more conducive for productivity. For example, when leaders emphasise a goal-based approach to managing staff, they allow females to adopt flexi-hours or to work from home should they need to do so.</p>
<p>RIGSS alumni can also help by correcting outmoded mindsets that contribute to gender-based inequality. For example, some people still view women as emotional, irrational, and impulsive. We need to help people understand that these traits are due to personality rather than gender. Another example I have heard is how some male colleagues do not like to work under female bosses. They say these bosses demonstrate more unreasonable behaviors due to menopause. In fact, there are many underlying reasons for why bosses can come across as unreasonable, including having to manage biased subordinates. In any case, menopause is a natural stage in life which affects not only women, but men as well (the condition is call andropause).</p>
<h2>Address Workplace and Home Behaviors</h2>
<p>Every workplace can implement something to address social norms that contribute to gender inequality. Many of these norms expressed in the workplace have their roots in the home. Hence, we must address the former in the workplace with the expectation that the changes are to continue even at home.</p>
<h3>Return Your Own Plates</h3>
<p>For example, when participants are on course at RIGSS, they return their own plates after each meal. This may seem like a small thing. However, when the practice was first started, some participants remarked that they don’t even do it at home, much less in the office. At work, they expect their (female) assistants to do it for them. So to have to return their own plates at RIGSS was refreshing.</p>
<p>Many participants persist with the habit of returning their own plates long after the course is over. Some institute the same practice in their own workplaces. More importantly, they become reformed even at home, and extend the practice to helping out with other household chores. During a gathering, one of the spouses remarked how greatly her husband had changed after completing his course at RIGSS. She then jokingly lamented that if only RIGSS also taught husbands how to cook, her world will be perfect! (Note: There is hope. One of the modules for young leaders require them to spend a week out with a remote village in teams. During this time, each participant takes turn to cook for the team.)</p>
<h2>Run Your Own Family Differently</h2>
<p>In truth, it is both men and women who need to make adjustments to how they run their families. Who should cook and clean? Who should take care of the baby? Traditionally, many cultures ascribe these duties to women. This mindset might have been appropriate in an older world where labour in the workplace meant physical exertion. Hence, it would have made sense then to divide workplace and household duties according to physical requirements.</p>
<p>Today, families ought to re-contract amongst themselves how to distribute household duties. Whether son or daughter, husband or wife, to be part of family is to do one’s part in domestic chores, even if the family is well-off enough to afford home help. In fact, especially when one has domestic help, one needs to be careful that the way one treats the helper does not perpetuate the perception that females should stay at home.</p>
<h1>A Word for Young Men</h1>
<p>Young men need to step up to share the essential responsibilities of home. Whether in learning to cook or to clean up, this is good training. It liberates their future wives to flourish at work. At the same time, it is also a great attribute to have. It attracts capable young women looking for enlightened partners!</p>
<p>As a man, it is tempting to look for someone to cook, sew, clean, and mother us from head to toe. Let me say that we already have such a person, and she is our mother. In her eyes, her child will never grow up. Surely we should choose a woman who can help us be the best version of ourselves in the next stage of our life? To achieve this, we must emerge from the protective cocoon of our immediate family and learn to build one of our own.</p>
<h1>A Word for Young Women</h1>
<p>Young women need to train their prospective boyfriends how to partner well. When a man is enamoured with her, he will do anything to win her heart. While she is in this advantageous position, she should not ask for Prado cars or Birkin bags. Instead, she should use this window of opportunity to train her boyfriend well. She should teach him how to behave as a gentleman. Should he pass this stage, she can move on to teach him to partner well at work and at home. He learns best about being a good son-in-law and a future father when he learns from his wife.</p>
<p>If a woman fails to train her boyfriend when all the cards are in her favour, how can she hope to train her future children when the chips are more stacked against her? On the other hand, if the boyfriend is not responsive to such training early on, she is better off looking for another person. Either she has chosen too difficult a training assignment, or she has to improve her training skills before embarking on the next stage in life. Either way, she should thank the heavens above that she has made this discovery before the wedding bells toll and definitely before the bun is in the oven!</p>
<h1>The Transfer from Home to the Workplace</h1>
<p>When men who learn to share household responsibilities, they start to liberate themselves from outdated gender-based roles. By learning to partner better, he finds his natural helpful place, even in the most biologically based functions such as breast feeding. A dad can and should wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby with breast milk pumped by his wife/formula if they so choose. There is joy in such participation that should not be missed out. All it takes is one such episode to make one more sensitive to the needs of other female colleagues who are lactating mothers. Hence, any male leader who claims to be egalitarian at work ought to start the practice at home first.</p>
<h1>The Final Word on Unleashing Female Leaders</h1>
<p>The best of masculinity in a man is to nurture his sons and daughters to their full potential. Parenting is a form of <a href="http://adriansays.com/parenting-as-stewardship/">stewardship</a>. As a form of deliberate practice, he begins with his wife. Men fail humanity when the potential of women not unleashed.</p>
<p>The complementary provided by women is that the best of femininity is not about hiding or flaunting it. It is about allow its natural grace to surface in all that a woman does, including in leadership. As deliberate practice, a woman first learns to be the best version of herself amongst family and friends. Should fortune permit, the next stage is with her future husband. Each step is a natural progression for her to eventually be the female leader of her own household working in partnership with her husband.</p>
<p>I look forward to the day when we choose leaders based on merit without the need for quotas on gender. It will be a day when we follow and groom leaders based on potential, unbiased by our own parochial mindsets. I hope one day, this blog post will become a quaint collection for the future anthropologist of a time in our humanity where we were still learning to come to terms with our own gender.</p>
<div></div>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/female-leaders-unleashed/">Unleash the Potential of Female Leaders</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">396</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>Parenting as an Outcome of Our Practice in Stewardship</title>
		<link>https://adriansays.com/parenting-as-stewardship/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=parenting-as-stewardship</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Adrian]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 10 May 2018 06:23:57 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stewardship]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://adriansays.com/?p=136</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Not all Great People Produce Great Kids Parenting can be a funny thing. Life is replete with examples of children not rising from beyond the shadow of their (more illustrious) parents. Moses had 2 sons, Gershom and Eliezer. Aside from being named as Moses’ descendents, they had no further mention in the Book of Life. [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/parenting-as-stewardship/">Parenting as an Outcome of Our Practice in Stewardship</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h1>Not all Great People Produce Great Kids</h1>
<p>Parenting can be a funny thing. Life is replete with examples of children not rising from beyond the shadow of their (more illustrious) parents. Moses had 2 sons, Gershom and Eliezer. Aside from being named as Moses’ descendents, they had no further mention in the Book of Life. Eli was a faithful servant of the Lord. But &#8220;<em>Eli’s sons were scoundrels; they had no regard for the Lord.</em>” (1 Samual 2:12). King David had 19 sons (and 2 unnamed stillborn babies). Amnon, the firstborn, raped his half-sister. Absalom the third son tried to kill his own father, King David. The rest merited little mention. Out of the 19, the most famous was King Solomon. 1 out of 19 are poor odds indeed. And even then, Solomon was no saint himself, despite his wisdom.</p>
<p>It is hard to rise up from the shadows of illustrious parents. This is not only true of Biblical characters, it is also true in present day life. Eduard Einstein never was an Albert Einstein. In fact, he suffered from schizophrenia and during one episode, told his father that he hated him.</p>
<p>The truth is, society lays unrealistic, oppressive expectations on the offsprings of powerful parents. This is on top of the pressure these children already feel daily from being immersed in such families. There is a tragic interplay of parenting (or sometimes, the lack thereof) and the character of the children that can lead to disappointing consequences.</p>
<p>This effect is not limited to the parent-children relationship. Illustrious siblings can have the same effect as well. Adam’s sons, Cain and Abel, the first family in the Bible, records for us the dangers of sibling rivalry. Cain eventually killed Abel. But Cain’s legacy continues even to this day, as we continually murder our siblings in thought and with unkind words.</p>
<p>What then, is the issue, and what can we do about it? In Psalm 127:3, the Bible declares that</p>
<p><em>&#8220;Children are a heritage from the Lord,</em><br />
<em> offspring a reward from him.”</em></p>
<p>What is the context of this verse? In the verses before we read:</p>
<p><em>&#8220;Unless the Lord builds the house,</em><br />
<em> the builders labor in vain.</em><br />
<em> Unless the Lord watches over the city,</em><br />
<em> the guards stand watch in vain.”</em></p>
<p>We think children are ours to do as we please. Whether we try too hard or don’t try enough, whatever effort that stems from the assumption that we possess these children will result in vanity. In reality, children are a gift from God for us to steward. If we are poor stewards, how can we be good parents?</p>
<h2>Parenting as an Outcome of Our Practice in Stewardship</h2>
<p>We may be tempted to regard parent and stewardship as unrelated, or marginally related activities. In fact, good parenting is the<em> RESULT</em> of good stewardship. Are we good stewards of wealth, time and our memories? What are we offering up as a sacrifice to God in these areas? How well we practice stewardship in these areas will be reflected in how well we are as parents to the children gifted to us.</p>
<h3>Stewardship of Wealth</h3>
<p>Do we regard wealth as ‘ours’ to use as we please? When we steward wealth poorly, we will use it poorly&#8230;..on our kids. We will either overindulge them materially, or not have enough to put food on the table for their basic nutrition. The Bible is clear that we cannot serve both God and Mammon. Jesus warns that wealth has a way of putting stumbling blocks in our way. Jesus is the Way. But the poor rich young man (Mark 10:17-31) simply could not put aside *his* wealth and walk towards the God who owns everything and yet was willing to put aside everything to redeem us.</p>
<p>With regard to all things material, our example of stewardship is Christ,</p>
<p><em>Who, being in very nature God,</em><br />
<em>&nbsp; did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;</em><br />
<em>rather, he made himself nothing</em><br />
<em>&nbsp; by taking the very nature of a servant,</em><br />
<em>&nbsp; being made in human likeness.</em><br />
<em>And being found in appearance as a man,</em><br />
<em>&nbsp; he humbled himself</em><br />
<em>&nbsp; by becoming obedient to death—</em><br />
<em> even death on a cross!<br />
</em>(Phil 2:6-8)</p>
<h3>Stewardship of Time</h3>
<p>What about time? How are we utilising time in recognition of the fact that each day granted is a day gifted, and must be honoured? When we lack wisdom in how we regard and use time, we will transfer its consequences to our children. For example, some parents don&#8217;t spend enough time with their children and opt instead for &#8216;quality&#8217; time. Unfortunately, relationships cannot be fast-tracked. I think these parents know deep in their hearts that quantity is just as important. So they compensate with lots of material gifts. In so doing, they unwittingly transform the parent-child relationship into a Santa Claus relationship &#8211; around only for the occasion of disbursing gifts. &#8216;Quality time&#8217; coupled with material compensation is a powerful agent for transforming the intrinsic need for relating in a child into an eternal search for affirmation.</p>
<p>If we are to be good stewards of time, we must commit to making powerful memories that serve as foundation stones for the character development of children. By this, I don&#8217;t mean lavish holidays. I mean powerful developmental experiences. For example,</p>
<ul>
<li>Do you journey with a child in his suffering?</li>
<li>Do you create opportunities for the child to serve sacrificially?</li>
<li>Do you teach a child how to forgive others, or to apologise sincerely and fully for any wrong doing?</li>
<li>Do you encourage a child to lavish undeserving grace on a perpetrator, just as the Father has bestowed such grace on us?</li>
</ul>
<p>Time is only well stewarded when it brings us closer to God. Time is poorly stewarded when it brings us closer to other gods.</p>
<h3>Stewardship of Our Past Experiences</h3>
<p>Aside from time and money, how about our past experiences as children growing up? Do we recognise that God is the giver of good times and bad? Have we given thanks for ALL the past experiences in our lives, or are we holding on to grudges and hateful thoughts as if vengeance is ours to prosecute? Have we forgiven our parents and siblings, peers and strangers who have at some point been part of our lives? Do we acknowledge that whether for good or for evil, God is the one who has sovereignly allowed us to experience them so that we can grow into maturity in Him? Whatever leftovers and baggages we still harbour, we transfer to our children. If we are poor stewards of our own experiences growing up, we mould children into edifices of our own misshapen selves.</p>
<h2>Parenting is Imparting Stewardship to Our Children</h2>
<p>Being good stewards is only part of the equation. As parents, we must not only role model good stewardship, but more importantly, we must impart good stewardship to our children. If we don&#8217;t, we can be the best stewards as parents and still have terrible offsprings.</p>
<p>Ultimately, children will live their own lives. They are responsible for themselves. Sometimes, they will make choices that make parents proud. At other times, they may embark on prodigal journeys which leave the parents wringing their hands and craning their necks in the hope of their return to reason. Whatever children choose to do, ultimately, they live and die by their own hands. All that parents can do is to be faithful to the foundations to be built for the brief season that these children love, obey and learn from us, and to keep praying for them.</p>
<p>In other words, children must learn to be good stewards from us. Hopefully, we have been good examples of stewardship. Thereafter, after the foundations are built, they have to decide within themselves and with God what kind of houses should be built on these foundations.</p>
<p>Because we are all fallen creatures, we should not expect ourselves or our children to always make wise choices. However, we should expect ourselves to strive towards good stewardship, and to pray unceasingly for our children and for ourselves. Whether during the times we fail or during the times we experience success, we should remind ourselves</p>
<p><em>&#8220;Unless the Lord builds the house,</em><br />
<em> the builders labor in vain.</em><br />
<em> Unless the Lord watches over the city,</em><br />
<em> the guards stand watch in vain.”</em></p>
<h4>If parents have been faithful practitioners of stewardship and have imparted stewardship to their children, that is the best equipping we can provide them in their struggle not to stray.</h4>
<p>The post <a href="https://adriansays.com/parenting-as-stewardship/">Parenting as an Outcome of Our Practice in Stewardship</a> appeared first on <a href="https://adriansays.com">Adrian Says</a>.</p>
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