It is Father’s Day today. Or is it Fathers’ Day? A Google search reveals it to be the former. Though I feel it should be the latter, seeing how fathering is (and can still benefit from) a communal endeavour. (Indeed, my post last year on this topic referred to this day as Fathers’ Day)
Fathering can be a lonely journey, even though it should not be. Fathers should come together more and encourage each other. But proud, independent men that we are, we don’t ask for directions even when we become hopelessly lost. Perhaps that’s why even the preferred name for this day is Father’s Day, not Fathers’ Day. Well, if this is a subliminal slide for fathers to continue journeying alone, then I reject such a spirit today. Instead, allow me to inject a different spirit into this day.
Giving meaning to fatherhood from family
What does it mean to be a father? Aside from value conveyed from a community of fathers, fatherhood is rendered meaning by how dads relate to moms, sons and daughters.
Dads don’t get a choice to define how they would like fatherhood to be enacted at home. “My house, my rules” is a very narrow, immature way of framing how fathers ought to behave. Instead, it should be guided by “How can I love my wife, sons and daughters?”
Sadly, “love” has lost its potency. Its nuances of protecting, guiding, nurturing, championing, sacrificing, releasing, and empowering have all but been removed from the script of fathering. In each dad-son, dad-daughter, father-mother relationship, variations of these nuances show up differently, beautifully, in accordance to the needs of the season. As fathers, we must redouble our efforts to derive the meaning of fatherhood from how we relate with our wives, sons and daughters.
Getting meaning from fathers and fathering
To be a father, we must also learn from fathers. One source of wisdom can be from our own biological fathers. In addition, we can also learn from others who have been father figures to us.
As a father who witnessed my wife giving birth to my two children, and as a spiritual father to several others, I can sense the difference in impact that both types of experiences have on shaping my notions of fatherhood. It doesn’t mean that I love one child more than the other. But both types of experiences have rendered more fully for me what it means to be a father. I count myself as blessed for having the opportunity to learn fathering from both types of experiences.
Gifted meaning for fatherhood from my past and from above
Not all can claim to have great earthly fathers. Those who can do so should doubly honour their dads, not just for today, but everyday, all the more as their earthly days draw to an end.
Today also happens to be my earthly dad’s birthday. Since he passed nearly 3 years ago, I have been able to use the distance to give thanks for his fatherly contribution to my identity. Truth be told, all fathers are broken vessels, and my dad was no different. Yet, though we are imperfect, to be commissioned as a father is to be given permission to contribute any way we can to the next generation. We must seize these moments for the great gifts that they are.
Given meaning of fatherhood from Above
As a follower of Christ, I count it my blessing that I have a Heavenly Father who does not shift like changing lights, whose timeless template for teaching fatherhood is always relevant and available for me. I have since realised that my earthly journey as a father are but pages for God’s hand to pen His glory on me, as I wait upon Him to script broken stories into tomes of majestic beauty.
So in sum, what should we do about Father’s Day, or Fathers’ Day? How about this? Let’s forego the semantics. Instead, let us rededicate ourselves, fathers, fathers to be, and potential spiritual fathers to others. Let us strive to do better at fathering.
Happy Fathering!
