I joined a long queue for kopi (coffee) this morning at the market. When I finally got it, I savoured the taste with great anticipation. To my disappointment, there was nothing special about it. The taste was slightly too bitter for me actually. If not for the fact that I had to queue 20 minutes for it, the entire experience would have been about an unmemorable coffee. Yet the kopi must be special to others, for the queue extends to outside the hawker centre. I cannot imagine the consternation amongst neighbouring kopi stall owners to see this, for some of these kopi stalls actually serve kopi that is more suited to my taste.

Suited to my taste…. That’s what it is about! The taste of one’s preferred kopi is really about a personal fit. For me, it is about a memory, a certain familiarity. From there, one declares if the kopi is good or bad. The kopi stall owners can’t do anything more or less to change the taste. (Except perhaps buy really bad beans or serve expired coffee, in which case there would be no queue.)

Many things that we embark on is like this kopi experience. We can only be the best of ourselves and leave the fit to others to discern. If the fit is good, we gain followers. If the fit is good for many, we gain acclaim. But even if the fit is strong only for a few, it does not mean we are no longer excellent, unless what we have offered is not the most excellent version of ourselves. As long as we continue to offer the best of ourselves, we will always find a good fit in some segment of the people. The question is whether we are contented with growing a following or chasing after the masses.

Too often, I am tempted to overly focus on reaching out to the masses. The common market wisdom (which by the way is an oxymoron, for the market is neither common nor wise. The market is ruled by fear and greed. But that is a different topic for another day) is to “scale” as quickly as we can, so as to “capture the market” and be a “market leader”. What a bunch of buzzwords. These terms have been throw around with such reckless abandon that we can become numb to what we have to abandon in the process.

A case in point is this website. On a good day, my post can garner more than a thousand hits. On a bad day when I don’t post anything, the website limps along with the solitary 1 or 2 visits (I really wonder who these people are…thank you for checking in!)

Actually, as far as websites go, these are really paltry numbers. They are totally not worth mentioning unless as a case study on what not to do in digital marketing. I suppose in my defence, I need to remind myself that I started this website to chronicle lessons learnt for me. To scale up would mean dipping into the digital cauldron of SEOs, click baits, and whatnots. It would mean going into areas that will very quickly distract me from what this site is about. Along the way, I am certain I will lose myself in a bid to morph into online personas that I cannot be faithful to.

Whether as individuals or as a corporate entity, eventually, we encounter a crossroad regarding whether to scale or not. This seemingly binary decision actually has a third option –  not an “either or” but a “yes but at a different pace”.

In my work in Bhutan, I have encountered such thinking in my conversations with various Bhutanese leaders. The gist of these conversations to highlight here is: “We want to grow, but at a pace where we will not lose ourselves as a nation.” I applaud the wisdom in this, especially when the world is into the “My GDP is bigger than yours” game. For the Bhutanese leaders to stand firm, they must believe that nationhood is a long journey, which means the road to development they need to be on is the narrow middle path between isolation and inundation, between poverty and impoverishment due to the unequal distribution of quick wealth. Like the ridge-line trails to the top of the mountains, these natural paths do not allow one to veer to the left or to the right. However, if one stays on them, eventually, they lead to the top.

Underlying the decision to scale or not is a deeper consideration to adapt AND to stay true. Coming back to my website, I have not been posting any blog pieces for a while now. It does not mean I have not been writing – I have. It is just that the versions of these writing did not seem appropriate to post. Part of the struggle is resisting to post for the sake of posting.

The greater struggle for me has been about my sense of self. Who am I and what can I bring to this new place called Singapore? Writing has helped me make sense of the experience as I transit from Bhutan to Singapore. In this transition, a deeper struggle has been a wrestle with my multiple identities as a contributor to Bhutan seeking to contribute to Singapore, as a son, as a husband, as a father… the list goes on. There has been a negotiation within me on how to remain true while adapting to the differences that Singapore demand of me.

It has not been a walk in the park. In fact, it has been more like a period of dwelling in the desert. As I endure this desert, I am learning to enjoy the journey. Sadly, now that I am starting to get comfortable, it is almost time to emerge from the desert. Perhaps in time, when I have processed enough regarding this desert journey, I will write about it. (Edit: And I have. You can find it here)

Anyway, kopi time is over. I probably will go back to the less crowded stall in future. To be honest, this kopi was not that bad…it just wasn’t for me. Henceforth, I’ll be careful not to join a queue simply because there is one. Like I said, the market is neither common nor wise. Still, I am thankful for this cup of kopi, for it gave me a chance to pen down these thoughts.