Photo courtesy of Hand in Mine.
On Wed, 8 May, I met with several dads in a cafe. Over dinner, we shared how raising kids have been like for each of us. We caught up with old friends and made new ones. Mostly, we came together to make gifts for our wives, given that Mothers’ Day was just around the corner.
The Epiphany
As I struggled to nudge the dried leaf into its right place on the photo frame, I thought to myself, “Life can be like that – a series of constant adjustments within a small confined frame to be picture perfect for disinterested onlookers.” Whether it is career, marriage, or family, men strive to look like we have it all in place, never mind the frantic glue job we apply behind the scenes to hold everything together.
The Crisis
Even as I put the final pieces in place, I was dissatisfied with my handiwork. Actually, I was anxious whether the work would stand up to the scrutiny of my wife, who is herself a formidable handicraft guru. Suddenly, a wave of doubt washed over me. Am I sure my work is good enough for her? Who do I think I am? Even on my best day, my artwork has always been shoddy compared to what she can produce on her off day. What was I thinking? I was having an existential crisis moment.
“Life can be like that – a series of constant adjustments within a small confined frame to be picture perfect for disinterested onlookers.”
The Detour
Men don’t introspect enough. We’d much rather pick up all the ethereal threads of existential pondering and put them into well-defined frames. If these threads become threats and the frames cannot hold, what do men do? We throw money at the problem. So I ‘topped up’ my handiwork by purchasing a pair of ear rings from the sale booth and incorporated it into the photo frame, This way, even if she does not like my creation, she can still use the ear rings, right? All of a sudden, I felt smug. I’ll take smug even if I cannot achieve being smart.
A small voice within me pointed out how this entire effort has revealed a side of me that needed more work. Was there a lesson in there somewhere that I needed to learn? I recognized that I was on the cusp of a crucible moment. Alas, as is often the case with crucible moments, I ignored that small voice.
The Redemption
Later that evening, I handed the gift to my wife, masking my trepidation with nonchalance. She took one look at the badly wrapped gift (it looked more like a packet of chicken rice) and instantly realized what I had been up to all evening. She is wise like that.
After the briefest moment of self-composure (I think she was deciding whether to laugh at me), she looked at me and gave me a big smile, melting all my anxieties away. With her total acceptance of the handiwork and grateful appreciation of the effort, she showed me that to be picture perfect is simply to be perfect for the moment. Once again, she showed that even an imperfect gift can be made perfect when one puts on the perfect posture.
“Once again, she showed that even an imperfect gift can be made perfect when one puts on the perfect posture. “
As she hugged me, the same small voice within me noted that gifts are best savored by ignoring their imperfections, because the joy is found in the making, in the giving, and in the receiving. This time, I acknowledged that voice. For I embody that imperfect gift to my wife. And I have been made perfect by the way she receives me. What a gift she is!
The Prayer
To all mothers, I wish you a Happy Mothers’ Day. More importantly, I wish all dads to be husbands first to their soulmates. Husbands and wives are the best gift for each other, not because we are perfect, but because we are made perfect by how we offer, give and receive of each other.
