Not all Great People Produce Great Kids
Parenting can be a funny thing. Life is replete with examples of children not rising from beyond the shadow of their (more illustrious) parents. Moses had 2 sons, Gershom and Eliezer. Aside from being named as Moses’ descendents, they had no further mention in the Book of Life. Eli was a faithful servant of the Lord. But “Eli’s sons were scoundrels; they had no regard for the Lord.” (1 Samual 2:12). King David had 19 sons (and 2 unnamed stillborn babies). Amnon, the firstborn, raped his half-sister. Absalom the third son tried to kill his own father, King David. The rest merited little mention. Out of the 19, the most famous was King Solomon. 1 out of 19 are poor odds indeed. And even then, Solomon was no saint himself, despite his wisdom.
It is hard to rise up from the shadows of illustrious parents. This is not only true of Biblical characters, it is also true in present day life. Eduard Einstein never was an Albert Einstein. In fact, he suffered from schizophrenia and during one episode, told his father that he hated him.
The truth is, society lays unrealistic, oppressive expectations on the offsprings of powerful parents. This is on top of the pressure these children already feel daily from being immersed in such families. There is a tragic interplay of parenting (or sometimes, the lack thereof) and the character of the children that can lead to disappointing consequences.
This effect is not limited to the parent-children relationship. Illustrious siblings can have the same effect as well. Adam’s sons, Cain and Abel, the first family in the Bible, records for us the dangers of sibling rivalry. Cain eventually killed Abel. But Cain’s legacy continues even to this day, as we continually murder our siblings in thought and with unkind words.
What then, is the issue, and what can we do about it? In Psalm 127:3, the Bible declares that
“Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.”
What is the context of this verse? In the verses before we read:
“Unless the Lord builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.”
We think children are ours to do as we please. Whether we try too hard or don’t try enough, whatever effort that stems from the assumption that we possess these children will result in vanity. In reality, children are a gift from God for us to steward. If we are poor stewards, how can we be good parents?
Parenting as an Outcome of Our Practice in Stewardship
We may be tempted to regard parent and stewardship as unrelated, or marginally related activities. In fact, good parenting is the RESULT of good stewardship. Are we good stewards of wealth, time and our memories? What are we offering up as a sacrifice to God in these areas? How well we practice stewardship in these areas will be reflected in how well we are as parents to the children gifted to us.
Stewardship of Wealth
Do we regard wealth as ‘ours’ to use as we please? When we steward wealth poorly, we will use it poorly…..on our kids. We will either overindulge them materially, or not have enough to put food on the table for their basic nutrition. The Bible is clear that we cannot serve both God and Mammon. Jesus warns that wealth has a way of putting stumbling blocks in our way. Jesus is the Way. But the poor rich young man (Mark 10:17-31) simply could not put aside *his* wealth and walk towards the God who owns everything and yet was willing to put aside everything to redeem us.
With regard to all things material, our example of stewardship is Christ,
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
(Phil 2:6-8)
Stewardship of Time
What about time? How are we utilising time in recognition of the fact that each day granted is a day gifted, and must be honoured? When we lack wisdom in how we regard and use time, we will transfer its consequences to our children. For example, some parents don’t spend enough time with their children and opt instead for ‘quality’ time. Unfortunately, relationships cannot be fast-tracked. I think these parents know deep in their hearts that quantity is just as important. So they compensate with lots of material gifts. In so doing, they unwittingly transform the parent-child relationship into a Santa Claus relationship – around only for the occasion of disbursing gifts. ‘Quality time’ coupled with material compensation is a powerful agent for transforming the intrinsic need for relating in a child into an eternal search for affirmation.
If we are to be good stewards of time, we must commit to making powerful memories that serve as foundation stones for the character development of children. By this, I don’t mean lavish holidays. I mean powerful developmental experiences. For example,
- Do you journey with a child in his suffering?
- Do you create opportunities for the child to serve sacrificially?
- Do you teach a child how to forgive others, or to apologise sincerely and fully for any wrong doing?
- Do you encourage a child to lavish undeserving grace on a perpetrator, just as the Father has bestowed such grace on us?
Time is only well stewarded when it brings us closer to God. Time is poorly stewarded when it brings us closer to other gods.
Stewardship of Our Past Experiences
Aside from time and money, how about our past experiences as children growing up? Do we recognise that God is the giver of good times and bad? Have we given thanks for ALL the past experiences in our lives, or are we holding on to grudges and hateful thoughts as if vengeance is ours to prosecute? Have we forgiven our parents and siblings, peers and strangers who have at some point been part of our lives? Do we acknowledge that whether for good or for evil, God is the one who has sovereignly allowed us to experience them so that we can grow into maturity in Him? Whatever leftovers and baggages we still harbour, we transfer to our children. If we are poor stewards of our own experiences growing up, we mould children into edifices of our own misshapen selves.
Parenting is Imparting Stewardship to Our Children
Being good stewards is only part of the equation. As parents, we must not only role model good stewardship, but more importantly, we must impart good stewardship to our children. If we don’t, we can be the best stewards as parents and still have terrible offsprings.
Ultimately, children will live their own lives. They are responsible for themselves. Sometimes, they will make choices that make parents proud. At other times, they may embark on prodigal journeys which leave the parents wringing their hands and craning their necks in the hope of their return to reason. Whatever children choose to do, ultimately, they live and die by their own hands. All that parents can do is to be faithful to the foundations to be built for the brief season that these children love, obey and learn from us, and to keep praying for them.
In other words, children must learn to be good stewards from us. Hopefully, we have been good examples of stewardship. Thereafter, after the foundations are built, they have to decide within themselves and with God what kind of houses should be built on these foundations.
Because we are all fallen creatures, we should not expect ourselves or our children to always make wise choices. However, we should expect ourselves to strive towards good stewardship, and to pray unceasingly for our children and for ourselves. Whether during the times we fail or during the times we experience success, we should remind ourselves
“Unless the Lord builds the house,
the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the guards stand watch in vain.”
